Why Is Adult Child Estrangement Surging in America?

In today’s fractured America, a phenomenon silently tears at the fabric of our most fundamental institution: the family. Adult child estrangement—the severing of ties between grown children and their parents—has emerged as a notable social trend, with recent research suggesting that 26 percent of young adults report estrangement from fathers and 6 percent from mothers¹. Against the backdrop of Trump’s turbulent second term, these familial ruptures have taken on new dimensions, often reflecting the wider political chasms in our society.

But is this truly a recent phenomenon driven by politics, or does it represent something deeper about how family relationships are evolving in modern America? As we dive into this complex issue, we’ll explore the root causes, examine both sides of the estrangement equation, and consider what might help families bridge these painful divides.

The Scope of Estrangement: More Common Than You Think

Family estrangement isn’t rare. Research from the Journal of Marriage and Family found that approximately one-quarter of adults have experienced estrangement from a parent, typically beginning in early adulthood². The Cornell Family Reconciliation Project reported similar findings, noting that when applied to the general population, tens of millions of Americans may be estranged from a family member³.

“While certainly not the first memoir to discuss a dysfunctional parent or family… the incredible in-your-face title of Jennette McCurdy’s memoir ‘I’m Glad My Mom Died’ would not have been a huge bestseller more than a decade ago,” notes Peg Streep, highlighting how cultural attitudes toward discussing family dysfunction have shifted⁴.

Contrary to the notion that this is merely a passing trend or “fad,” estrangement has deep roots in family dynamics. However, what has changed is our willingness to discuss it openly and, perhaps, the social acceptance of choosing to distance oneself from family members.

Brian Brisco and PLACE: Supporting Parents Through Estrangement

Among those addressing this phenomenon is Brian Brisco, a licensed professional counselor who runs Parents Living After Child Estrangement (PLACE), a support and counseling program for parents who’ve lost children to estrangement. Brisco brings both professional expertise and personal experience to his work, creating what he describes as a “judgment-free safe space in which no one is called ‘toxic'”⁵.

PLACE is part of a growing network of support groups catering to estranged parents, including others like PEAK (Parents of Estranged Adult Kids) and Stand Alone. These organizations reflect the increasing need for resources to help those experiencing what Joshua Coleman, psychologist and author of “Rules of Estrangement,” calls a “silent epidemic”⁶.

These parent-focused support groups aim to help parents process their grief and, in many cases, work toward possible reconciliation. However, critics question whether some groups prioritize parental comfort over genuine accountability and change—a tension we’ll explore further.

Beyond MAGA: The Complex Causes of Estrangement

While political differences—particularly in the Trump era—have exacerbated family tensions, research suggests that estrangement typically stems from more complex and longstanding issues:

Value Dissimilarity

A study published in the Journal of Marriage and Family found that value dissimilarity was a strong predictor of estrangement, whereas violation of serious societal norms was not⁷. This suggests that when parents and children hold fundamentally different values about how to live and what matters, the relationship becomes strained beyond maintenance.

Shifting Views on Family Obligation

Modern perspectives on family relationships emphasize quality and mutual satisfaction over obligation. “Where ‘honour thy father and mother’ once served as a binding ethos, relationships today are more individualistic,” explains Dr. Coleman. “If a relationship doesn’t feel good, cutting ties is not only acceptable but sometimes encouraged.”⁸

Post-Divorce Dynamics

Research indicates that divorce significantly increases the risk of parent-child estrangement. Psychologist Joshua Coleman notes several mechanisms through which this happens: one parent poisoning the child against another, children independently assigning blame, new family members creating competition, and the fragmentation of the family unit⁹.

Mental Health Awareness

Greater awareness of mental health issues has led many adult children to reexamine their upbringing through psychological lenses. Some therapists validate cutting ties as a means of protecting one’s mental wellbeing, though Coleman cautions that “therapists appear to increasingly support the idea of estrangement even from parents who are willing to make amends, empathize, and change.”¹⁰

The Political Dimension: Trump’s America and Family Division

The political polarization of the Trump era has undeniably intensified family conflicts. A September 2019 report by the Pew Research Center found that nearly 80% of Trump and Biden supporters said they had few or no friends who supported the other candidate¹¹. This political segregation extends to family relationships.

“Trump’s election in 2016 divided families, tore up friendships, and turned neighbor against neighbor,” reported Reuters in November 2020, highlighting how social media amplified these divisions through “no-holds-barred posts bashing both Trump and his many critics.”¹²

For many families, political differences have become moral imperatives rather than policy disagreements. As one family member in a Time magazine article explained, “In the Trump era, many Americans don’t see voting as a decision about a set of policies, they see it as a moral imperative, an act that will make or break the country.”¹³

These political divisions hit particularly hard in families where different generations hold opposing views. For instance, the HuffPost recently featured a story about a mother who was a Reagan Republican who had voted along party lines since 1980. Her support for Trump created “the greatest distance” between her and her children, particularly affecting relationships with her biracial grandchildren who perceived Trump’s rhetoric as racist¹⁴.

Two Sides of the Story: Parents vs. Adult Children

The Parental Perspective

For parents experiencing estrangement, the emotional toll is devastating. Many report depression, anxiety, shame, and social isolation. “The parents in my practice who’ve been cut off, you know, they’re miserable… They feel guilty. They feel ashamed,” says Dr. Coleman¹⁵.

Many estranged parents express bewilderment, feeling that their adult children are rewriting family history or holding them to parenting standards that didn’t exist when they were raising their children. As one family therapist observed, “What I hear from boomer and Gen X parents all the time is, ‘I would never have cut off my parents, and my parents were abusive.'”¹⁶

Some parents see their children’s estrangement as influenced by therapy that encourages blaming parents for personal issues, or by broader cultural shifts that prioritize individual happiness over family cohesion. They may feel unfairly judged by standards they weren’t aware of during their parenting years.

The Adult Child’s Perspective

From the perspective of many estranged adult children, cutting ties is rarely impulsive but rather the culmination of long-standing issues. Research by Lucy Blake found that 77% of adult children attributed estrangement to emotional abuse¹⁷.

For many, establishing boundaries with parents represents a form of self-protection rather than punishment. Adult children often report trying multiple times to resolve issues before resorting to estrangement, particularly when parents dismiss or minimize their concerns.

The political component adds another layer—when parents support policies or figures that seem to threaten the child’s own identity or values (such as supporting anti-LGBTQ+ policies when the child is queer, or anti-immigrant rhetoric when the child has married an immigrant), the political becomes deeply personal.

Bridging the Divide: Is Reconciliation Possible?

Despite the pain of estrangement, research offers some hope: the majority of estranged relationships eventually see some reconciliation, with studies showing that 81% of maternal estrangements and 69% of paternal estrangements eventually end¹⁸.

For Parents Seeking Reconciliation

Experts like Dr. Coleman emphasize that parents often need to take the first steps toward healing:

1. Listen without defensiveness: “Don’t say to your child, ‘Why are you doing this to me?’ Say, ‘I know you wouldn’t do it unless it was the healthiest thing for you to do,'” advises Coleman¹⁹.
2. Validate their experience: Even if the parent’s recollection differs, acknowledging that the child’s feelings and perceptions are real can open doors to communication.
3. Take responsibility: Parents who can acknowledge ways they may have contributed to the estrangement—even inadvertently—create space for healing.
4. Respect boundaries: Pushing too hard or too quickly can backfire. Sometimes, as Coleman puts it, parents need to “let the line go cold” to respect their adult child’s space²⁰.

For Adult Children Considering Reconciliation

For adult children, the path to potential reconciliation involves:

1. Clarifying what would need to change: Being specific about what behaviors or acknowledgments would make rebuilding the relationship possible.
2. Setting clear boundaries: Establishing limits that protect emotional wellbeing while allowing for controlled re-engagement.
3. Considering professional support: Family therapy with a neutral third party can provide structure and mediation for difficult conversations.
4. Recognizing change takes time: Looking for consistent, sustained changes rather than temporary improvements that revert under stress.

Politics and Reconciliation in Trump’s Second Term

With Trump’s return to office, families divided by politics face new challenges. The intensified polarization makes neutral common ground increasingly scarce, yet some families are finding ways forward.

Therapist Anna Schumer Chapman shares the story of a progressive woman who reconciled with her survivalist brother living in Idaho: “She’s adopted strategies that her cousins’ family uses to transcend their deep political differences. What they do is put their children’s needs first… They also deliberately pursue activities that bring the family together, such as kids’ sporting events.”²¹

For some families, establishing a moratorium on political discussion provides breathing room for relationships to heal. Others find that focusing on shared values beneath political differences—such as caring for family members or commitment to community—can create connections despite political disagreement.

A Path Forward: Beyond Division

While complete reconciliation isn’t always possible or even desirable, particularly in cases of genuine abuse, many families can find ways to maintain connections despite differences. Psychologist Bill Doherty suggests, “We can focus on the higher-level values that nearly all of us share. It’s usually the means we disagree on, not the ends.”²²

In our increasingly divided society, perhaps families can serve as microcosms for the broader healing America needs. By learning to listen across differences, to prioritize relationships over ideological purity, and to find compassion for different perspectives, families might not only heal their own rifts but also contribute to mending our national fabric.

As we navigate these complex waters, both parents and adult children face the challenge of determining what’s worth preserving—and when letting go is the healthier choice. In a culture that increasingly frames family relationships as optional rather than obligatory, the decision to maintain, repair, or end these ties becomes a profound statement about our values and identities.

What seems clear is that the epidemic of estrangement reflects profound shifts in how we define family obligation, personal growth, and individual autonomy. Whether this represents social progress or decline remains contested—but understanding the phenomenon is essential for anyone seeking to navigate our increasingly fractured social landscape.